She announced her abortion via fbk
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
