just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
