I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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