Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
