She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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