it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
