I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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