sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
