you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
