i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
What a dumb baby whore.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
40s are totally the cure
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
