So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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