First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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