..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The power of my boobs compel you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
