So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
