Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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