OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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