and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize