U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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