how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
