half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
