The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize