If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
