If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
