We need to rekindle our bromance
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
