Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
