Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize