And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
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