I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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