New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
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yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
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the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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