Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
