jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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