Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
