I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
