I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
