I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
