I'm going to jail i love you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
A bitchslap is in order.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
