No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
