no, he came in my armpit
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
