I feel great
I just peed on a car
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
