forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
