Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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