Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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