that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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