Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
its liver damage thursday
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
