insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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