Having a random hookup so left but love u
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
