Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
