the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
