Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
