these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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