youre lurking in front of me
just tell him i said nine months
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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