I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
