i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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