between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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