i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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