Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
