he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He passed out mid-signature
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
