Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
