Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
