shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
