there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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