so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
