this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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