Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
