I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
