your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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