I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
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I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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