My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
