I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
