I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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