I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
