we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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