You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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