I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
